University

I am not one of those people you can make the best out of university. In theory, its so fun, and you are free and blah blah blah. In reality, you are tied by so many social conventions. there are cliques and accepted ways of talking, acting, dressing and so on. It is not free. It is like any other arena that life takes place in. We congregate and then we create a social hierarchy. I often find myself in unfavourable places in this hierarchy. I always will be. I don't follow convention. Not because I am a rebel and I am interesting. But because I just do not know how. I wasn't taught this adequately. I do and say what I think I can get away with.

I have started a course at university. Its postgraduate, and no-one is happier that my undergraduate is behind me. Undergraduate study was a nightmare that was much more enjoyable and rewarding in hindsight than it was actually at the time. This is pretty much the story of my life. Its how I am towards everything.

Anyway, postgraduate study is an eye-opener. I am surrounded by students who are either privileged or seem to think that they are brilliant. I honestly don't see their brilliance. I am not saying that I am or am not either of these things. But the self-belief is generally much greater than the talent. It sometimes stuns me how closed-minded some of these people (just the ones I know) are. Luckily, I am taught by brilliant people. Otherwise, I would want to quit.

I do sometimes resent being treated as though I am not quite smart. I have a history of doing well. I expect that people will acknowledge it. I don't want people to tell me that I am smart, I only want them to respect my opinions or input. I thought that by easily outperforming them, they would learn. They haven't. I suppose there is nothing much more I can do about it. I don't really know why it bothered me so much in the first place.