There is no god for me

I don't know how so many people can spend so much time and energy thinking and doing things about god when god may not exist. It may well be faith, but at what cost? There are so many problems in this world that really truly are there. There are so many people in distress that its so strange to me that someone would spend time on their own relationship with some magical entity. What about their relationships with those that need them in actual reality. If god did exist, and I ignored god throughout all my life because I was busy. what would god do? I was busy trying to help and improve the lives around me of people I really love. I try to do best by myself and others. Would god punish me because I hadn't worshipped god? If so, that would be stupid of god. Should I waste my life worshipping what I believe to be a magical entity that is created by humans for humans, just so that I can feel superior to others and feel safe in the knowledge that I am sacrificing parts of my life for a place in heaven. God no. I would rather live my life authenitically and go to hell.

I dislike references to god as He. I feel disgusted by this. I am disgusted when I see this regardless of what text it is in, and whoever writes it. It goes without saying why I don't like it. I believe in equality. Besides, I doubt god would genitalia if it did exist.

In essence, when I encounter religious people, I wonder why they bother. Sometimes I feel as though they consider themselves more enlightened, more intelligent, more moral. I don't believe any of this. I make my morals with every decision I make. I have to think about what I should say and do all the time. I do not follow a recipe of what is accepted practice. Other people can do, but I find my life, my decisions and choices far too challenging for anyone to say to me that I have taken any easy and unreflective route out.